Born Ego

Today, September 8th, is Mabel’s fifth birthday. It’s come so fast but it also feels like a lifetime ago that I brought her home.

SO much was going on at that point in time. I was living in that in Richfield, with that fucking asshole, and with those other assholes. But bringing her into my life changed everything and brought me back down to Earth. I remember when I was teaching her to go potty outside and teaching her that it was ok to sleep in her crate. I used to think that her and I butting heads was this spiritual symbol – the universe teaching me about the inner-workings of the self (I was HIGHLY unwell and probably at the peak of my bipolar-related issues at this point in time). But she would be doing puppy things; she would be chewing things up, biting at me, crying and barking. And I would think “this is teaching me SO much. It’s teaching me how to manage my emotions. It’s showing me the push and pull that exists inside of me and it’s taking it out of the internal and placing it right in front of me – in the form of something I love more than anything I’ve ever loved and can’t hurt (like I want to hurt myself), and giving me the choice on how I want to deal with it.”

The biggest gift that Mabel has given me is the gift of the outdoors. She takes me outside every morning. That has changed everything. Those 30 minutes I spend with her in the morning outside, whatever the weather is, are inarguably the best 30 minutes of my day. No doubt. Sometimes I have to remind myself that that time is sacred, that it can’t be rushed.

No matter how silly this sounds, our love isn’t unconditional. We get into tiffs, we bug each other, it’s complex – it’s a female relationship!!!! How funny. She’s saved me from so many things. She shows me exactly who people really are, she has shown me who I can trust and validated who I’m uncomfortable around. She has given me permission to say no to things I don’t want to do because I know I won’t be alone if I stay home. She anchors me and gives me the BEST excuse to avoid sleepovers.

I don’t care how stupid people think it is that I love my dog so much. She means everything to me and if they knew everything that she’s done for me they would love her, too. Thank you Mabel!